Our dear, sweet Cookie

[cookiedough]

It's been 7 months since you passed away, and things have not been the same. I remember when I first got you 9 years ago. I was right out of college and you became my best friend, my heart. You had been passed around from family to family so it took you a while to understand that you had found your forever home. You went through graduate school with me. We made it through my first year of teaching together. You were by my side through so many changes: moves, friends, jobs, heartaches. No matter how melancholy I felt, you always did your best to cheer me up. Many tears soaked your soft coat.

You've left a void in my heart, and it hurt so much to see you deteriorating the last year. I knew you weren't happy once your tail was permanently uncurled and you couldn't stand to even go to the bathroom. I cried many times when I caught you lying in your own waste, unable to move. I'm so sorry I got mad at you because I had to carry you everywhere and had to clean up after you all the time. It wasn't your fault. I was just tired. We tried to make your life more comfortable with the Adequan shots, the booties, and we were almost done with your wheelchair! But you told us you were tired and that you weren't enjoying life anymore. You wanted to join your sister, Itsy, and just rest and eat McDonald hamburgers all day long. So we respected your wishes, as excruciating as it was for us. We gave you your last meal of your favorite: a McDonald's hamburger. You relished every bite and even ate all the ketchup and the pickles! You didn't eat it with the zest you once had, but for a minute, you reminded us of the old girl we knew who would snarf down food in a millisecond.

As we were driving to the vet, I was so unbelievably sad, but I knew it was the right thing to do. You could barely hold your head up, so I held it for you. When you left us, you didn't make a sound. You were so grateful to not have to be in pain and suffering. I broke down and fell to the floor, cradling you and crying. I know the vet thought I was loony, but I didn't care because my heart hurt so much because you were gone. I should have been happy that you were in peace, but I selfishly thought of how my life would be dark without your presence.

My heart was in so much pain as I grieved for you. Somehow, you let me know that it was OK to find another pug. So I looked at all the shelters and the rescues, looking for another you--a sweet, lazy, docile pug who basked in food and kisses. But I couldn't find you. Then fate led me to your new sister...She's the opposite of you in every way, Cookie. You were fat; she's skinny. Your coat was light; hers is dark. You were submissive; she's a little alpha wannabe, even challenging your Rottie sister! She's a tornado--an ecstatic ball of energy! She isn't as sugary sweet as you, but she's loveable and funny. We couldn't figure out a name for her for a few days and then we realized that we could always remember you through your sister by her name: Doughy (a la Cookie dough!) So everytime we say her name, we think of you. We miss you, Cookie. We love you.