Itsy

[cookiedough]

You've been gone for more than 2 years now, and I miss you everyday. When you left, you took a piece of me with you; my life has not been the same since you departed. You were my heart.

I clearly remember the rainy day ten years ago when I found the ad in the paper about the adoption fair. When I first saw you, I immediately ruled you out because you were too old. The Australian Shepherd mix puppies were so much cuter than you. But for some reason, you drew me to you, as you sat there calmly with your legs so daintily tucked under you. You watched all those people walk by you to get to the puppies and the younger dogs. You had a look of resignation--you didn't think anyone would want a scrawny, senior dog like you. But after ruling out the puppies, I came back to you. You looked at me with those big brown eyes, and I knew.

When you finally arrived, I was so excited! I couldn't stop staring at you as you slept by my bed. It took a long time for you to warm up to me, but soon, we were inseparable. A week after you came, your sister Cookie came to us; although you didn't like it at first, she soon became your best friend and we became a trio. The three of us went through so much together! I grew into an adult with you both by my side. We survived that crummy little apartment for five years. You helped me through all my career changes, all the relationships, and all the turmoil. You were my constant, and I thank you for that.

Once you lost your sight and hearing, you began to turn inward. You no longer came to me when I came home; you barely lifted your head. I carried you around because your little legs couldn't hold you up, and you stopped singing and wagging your tail. You just were not the little fox who used to prance around so happily. With the heaviest of hearts, we knew it was time.

You left us on Christmas Eve of 2005, and I was never the same. That Christmas is a blur; all I remember are the styes that developed on my eyelids from the continuous tears. I had never truly experienced grief and heartache until then. I would have never imagined how much one dog could change my world, but you did. Cookie was also forever changed. She missed you so very much, and once you left, she lost much of her spirit; she spiraled down quickly afterwards. I guess she couldn't wait to be reunited with you at the bridge.

You were my best friend, and you taught me unconditional love. Thank you. I miss you so much, and your passing has added a few creases of sadness onto my face and many gray hairs onto my head. I think of you often; you can never be replaced.

After almost a year after you had passed, I felt ready to find another Chihuahua/Pomeranian mix to help fill the void. I looked at all the shelters trying to find a little fox like you, but to no avail. And then just when I was going to give up hope, I found your sister. We almost ran her over as she scurried across the street--she was emaciated, shaking uncontrollably with a million fleas. I imagine that's how you must have looked when you were rescued. We took her in, and now she's at home with us. She looks a lot like you, except she's white and bigger. She even had to have the exact same surgeries you had to have when we got you! Everyone says you've returned in spirit.

I miss you dearly. I know I'll always have many dogs in my life from now on, and it's because of you. I love you and think of you everyday. Now you can cuddle with Cookie all the time; I know how much you liked to snuggle up to her for warmth.