Lost my best friend in the world

[Edwardtang]

I don't know why I'm here....Maybe so that someone would hear my words...I apologize...I am in a lot of pain.

Obiwan (Wan Wan) started breathing heavily yesterday and would not lie down or let me hold him for a long time. Immediately, I took him to the vet because he was sleeping standing up and would not sit down. He would wake when his neck got tired and then fall asleep standing.

The vet seem to immediately know what's wrong and gave him an blood test and an x ray. He showed me his heart was enlarged and 95% of his lungs were of different color on the x ray pictures. Only 5% of his lungs are working and it was filled with liquid so he couldn't breath, causing him not able to sit or lie down . His white blood cells were 11 times more than normal due to infections in the lung. The vet says he must have had this for a while now to be this serious.

I couldn't beleive it ! I told the doctor it happened suddenly. Just a day before he was so energetic he was humping my leg and behaving very happily. He was as healthy as he can be and just about a week ago, I was just thinking how Wan Wan has never been sick in his life! He was the healthiest dog I have ever owned.

The vet told me that is how tough pugs are. They can usually take a lot of pain and not show it to you at all . She then told me..at his age (8 years old) , this was a difficult situation . It is very serious. She said she can try and give him strong antibiotics to stop the infections as a heart surgery would be too much for his weak heart. The infections are caused by his weakened immune systems ( from a failing heart), leading to fluids blocking oxygen in his lungs. The vet says it was genetic. She advised me to take him home for a rest and see if the antibiotics would work and come back in 3 days.

Before taking him home, Wan Wan browsed around the hospital as if he is ok (breathing heavily though). I took him home and started researching about these symptoms on the web with him beside me.
Before I had any clue,
He sat down as if to take a rest on my lap and his panting stopped. I held him up and he took his last breath with his eyes wide open...smiling at me. I was in shock and I shooked him to wake him. He wasn't breathing.
He blew a big bubble out of his nose and that is when I knew he was gone...air wasn't going into his nose and that was his last breath..he tried to make me laugh even at the last second of his life. I cried so hard (I am a 35 year old grown man) and I held him till the morning in my arms. I lost count of how long I cried. I couldn't beleive it! He still looks so cute and alive.

I tried to close his eye lids many times. It just wouldn't close. He is just smiling at me with his big eyes .....starring. I am so sorry I couldn't help him. It seems like his organs just gave up.

I work at home and I use to suffer from depression. Wan Wan healed me and he was my son. My 8 year old son. I spend more time with him than any human being. We share a pillow at night. I don't know if this sounds right ...but I loved him more than ..even humans. They say 2012 would be the end of the world...It turned out to be true for me.

Has anyone had their pug go so suddenly like this? I can't stop thinking about whether he was in pain?
or did he die in peace?

I am sorry...for my grammar..and all...I am not myself at the momment. I guess I just need to let it out somewhere so I came here. I am so sorry I didn't succeed in raising him for a longer period of time. I've always thought he would be at least 12 years old before we had to say goodbye.

Wan Wan was so brave...I wish he had shown me he was in pain ...
I hope this never happen to any other pugs...please look at every little signs shown to you by your puppy. I keep blaming myself I didn't see it sooner...but he didn't behave any different for me to tell!
He was eating normal, running , being himself...it only took him 1 day to show me and to leave me.

Wan Wan the tough pug...I really , really miss you.


Here are some of his pictures (various ages):

[Edwardtang]

I am also thinking what "Pug Heaven" would be like?
As well as I knew Obiwan, it is probably just like earth. People loving him and him being a happy pug. I hope there is a carbon copy of me playing with him and feeding him in pug heaven.

My heaven will certainly have Obiwan with me. Till we meet again...

[shaynapug]

I'm so very sorry!! I understand your pain! I have lost 3 of my precious babies in less than a year!!!!! Nothing can take their place........but it sure helped me to have two younger pugs here! I just got my puppy today...so am back up to 3 pugs! I did have 5! These guys are my children also!

I still cry...sometimes I can go for a few days at a time without....and I sob when I read stories like yours! But....I do know that time does heal.....and that the pain will ease!!!!!

Maybe, when you're able...you can get another pug to honor Wan Wan. It will never be the same!!!! But each one brings smiles and laughter!

As for pug heaven......I do believe that there is a heaven where we are reunited with those we have lost! I believe that my guys are with my good friends and fellow pug lovers, Nancy and Jean.....and all are waiting to be with me down the road!

Pug hugs!

[Tinker's mom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers of comfort for you.

[Lu Ci and Ri Ki]

I am so very sorry for your loss but I'm glad you came here to share it with us. My Pugs are my children (only better in some respects) and I love them dearly as you love Wan Wan. Your writing of him is beautiful and heartbreaking - I can feel the love you have for him. Wan Wan was a very handsome Pug and had a wonderful life with you. Nothing or no one can ever replace him but, perhaps, in time you will be able to open your heart to love another Pug and I think Wan Wan will lead the perfect one to you. I pray for peace and comfort for you and for the perfect companion to come along when you are ready.

[6 Beautiful Pugs]

I am so very sorry. Wan Wan was a beautiful boy and his nature shows in his eyes.

I am glad he was able to pass in your arms at home.

Take care,
Lisa

[Cheryl7777]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sometimes it helps to come here and write about it and get all your feelings out. We understand when you discribe him being like your child. It's so hard to lose one of our Pug babies and yours went so unexpectedly. I'm glad if he had to go he was in your loving arms. There is no shame in crying no matter if you are man or women or how old you are. Let the tears come and wash your soul so you might begin to heal from this loss.

[CSollers]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Passing in the arms of a loved one is the best we can hope for. Don't think for a minute that being a guy and crying at the loss of your Pug is in some way wrong or a sign of weakness. We feel the same love for these wonderful creatures as anybody.

[tall grass pugs]

Our world weeps with you. A candle is lit on the Tall Grass.

[Hellas]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Your beautiful post made me cry. It is very clear that you loved your handsome boy and you can rest assured that all of us here know what that means. My pugs are my children too, and I will be absolutely devastated the day they leave me. So cry as much as you need, and come here to talk about WanWan if you need to. We'll be here.