I am sorry. U have herd this before.
The one daughter is out and can I just say how a lot of drama has left the house and so much positive energy is here.
Now the other daughter who is buying a house and will move out sometime this month, well she is hardly here at all she will be gone for like 5 days at a time then just show up. That is ok. But last night she came home after being gone all last week and then till last night. And I herd her in the kitchen rearranging things again.
The last time I vented about this I just decided to leave all the stuff she moved alone as I did not want the fight and it was taking a emotional toll on me and I do not like to allow such things in my life, BUT I know myself well enough to know I wear my feeling on my sleeve and at times can be very sensitive. So I let it go. Well Hubby came in kitchen last week and was looking for a pan and he got frustrated not mad, he hardly ever gets mad. But he came all the way outside to get me and ask where this particular pan is. Which is odd for him to do normally he would just grab another pan and use it. So while we were walking back in I asked why he needed this pan. He said" well I know I could get another one but the one I am looking for is great for making sauce, and I want to try this new sauce out for our dinner tonight" So I said no problem lets go find it. He then said " we should not have to find it, it has been in the same spot for years what is going on I am noticing lots of stuff missing"
I just smiled and told him he might want to have a heart to heart with his daughter as she has rearranged the whole kitchen. He asked when she did this and I said " well she has done it for about 2 years lol but just recently it was last week Sunday her last day here" He just looked at me puzzled and said " how do u find anything" poor guy he has no idea about kitchen stuff lol. ( trying to keep my humor in all this) So I just told him I hunt and peck for hit. He said " no not any more put it back the way you use it and I will deal with her " so I did
Ok so this brings us to last night. I came out to the kitchen and asked what was going on. She turned to me and in a very snippy way told me once again I had unorganized the kitchen. Before I could get anything out of my mouth she said this time to just leave it alone. I was ready to blow. I am a person who will hold stuff in so I do not cause a conflict I am not afraid of them just do not want to add stress to the other person, now if it is going to cause physical or mental harm to my kids then I am all for a fight.
But I felt it boiling in me so I just walked out and got in my car and took off. Hubby called and asked what was up. I told him to just leave it alone I was tired of going head to head with his daughter if felt wrong and hurtful toward him to feel the way I have been the last year towards her. I told him I would be home when she left or went to bed and asked that he call me when that happened.
Well about 20 min later he called and asked me to come back home. I came home to them sitting at the table. He wanted to have a talk. my insides just curled up and cramped up those never go well. Someone always get defensive and I normally just stay quiet. But he is my hubby and I respect him so I sat down.
He started off by telling her she needs to stop being disrespectful to the order of the house. Well she went off before he could get another word
out, going off on how weird I am with how I set things up and on and on. He stopped her and told her HE had me put the stuff back as it was his kitchen he built it and his house he pays the rent. She will always have a home to come to if she needs it BUT for now she is to respect the order of the house he has it in and to leave me alone. He asked her to think hard about how she holds such feelings for me and why they are there. He told her he really outside of normal family disagreements has not seen me do anything that gives her reason for her attitude and
behavior towards me. He named off quite a few times I went to bat for her with him and others that I felt were not being fair or were hurting her and besides him he has not seen anyone else in her life do that for her.
I was in shock. It had to be hard for him to tell his daughter that but he did . She just started to walk out on him and he then told her to start taking care of her cat as he is going to tell me to not do it anymore he is tired of her taking advantage of those who are around her and care for her.
So now I am off to my doctor to see about my issue and if I need surgery. I might ask for a anxiety pill lol
Thanks again for listening or reading. And to the PVer who talked about having her daughter and grand kids live with her I understand how important it is to keep a healthy relationship with your kids and I feel I try hard. I would take any of the kids back in a hear beat if needed no matter how the relationship was. Please understand I love these girls just having a hard time with personalities and control issues and I am looking at what I am doing to cause the problem I am very open to changing and learning.
Ok again thanks sorry so long.
When you are no longer afraid do you begin to live! MerkySky
He needs to suggest that this daughter get some counseling and if she does, family counseling might be in order as well. Like any other relationship it takes work. Vent all you want. Hope your doctor's appointment goes well. There's no shame in getting an anti-anxiety med if you need it. Hugs to you.
Jackie,Mom to Robbie & Stacy my human children and Tinker my furkid.
good for your husband for backing you up!
Stephanie, pugmom to Louie Livewire, born 3/15/06
and my 3 angels waiting at the bridge....
the very special Junior, my pug angel who is doing agility at the rainbow bridge 11/22/91 - 3/13/06
the very special Danny, my first dog, a Dandie Dinmont Terrier 4/5/70 - 2/10/84
the very special Paddy, the pug who was loved around the world, who my family had the pleasure and honor of loving for the last 3 years and 5 months 5/1/98 - 8/6/14
Sounds to me like that daughter needs to go get a place of her own. It's ok to bend a little to get along for awhile, but it's not ok to let someone come in your house and just take over. It's still your house, your rules, and your way. You are only avoiding the unavoidable by giving in to get along. This girl needs to show you the respect you are due and your husband is wonderful to stand up for you and set her straight. Sometimes people are just not compatible to live together no matter how hard you want to help them and make it work. Ultimately you have to take care of yourself first before you can be there for the ones you love. I'd set her straight once and for all if it were me. I would tell her it is my kitchen and I have it arranged the way I like it. If you can't handle that, then stay out of my kitchen and if you can't handle that then go find another place to flop where they can take care of you and your pets. You can say that to her with out anger or yelling. Just state it as a fact. It sounds like your sweet husband will back you up. Then stick to your guns. Be strong and she will learn to respect you or move on to someone else she can bully. She really is just trying to bully you because she has gotten away with it so far. Good luck and take care of yourself first.
Thank u everyone.
Doc visit was good no surgery needed.
Came home sat with Cruiser a bit while he snored on my lap
then went to work on spring quotes.
Sunny here today.
Birds enjoying their seed
so a pretty good day so far!
When you are no longer afraid do you begin to live! MerkySky
He does need to back you up and she needs to learn boundaries. Your house, your rules and if she doesn't like it, she can leave! Believe me, I've dealt with similar stuff with my own kids...makes you want to pull your hair out!
Christa, Mom to Toby, Kelsey, Summer & Ellie Mae
missing Riley and Roxy, who are at the bridge
and my precious Bella 11-2-07 - 05-6-12