Mel, you are exactly right. Part of me fears that what I really want is not another pug, but I want Stokley back. And I know that will never happen. at night I picture exactly how we used to cuddle, he always sat in exactly the same position. I know that will never be the same.
I know it will take time. I appreciate you saying you understand my feelings; it means a lot.
and to answer your questions...
not at all. it takes some adjustment at first.Originally Posted by 1stTimeMom
I still miss Jack terribly, but that doesn't stop me in any way from loving Zoe with all my heart.Did you feel sad when they weren't the same as the pug you'd lost?
honestly? at first, when I saw her leg, ya. it was worse than I thought, but I had made the commitment to take her so I did. and I'm so glad I did!Did you regret getting a new pug at a certain time period?
YES! don't deny yourself puggie love! it's one of life's greatest gifts.Were you able to love just as much as you did the first time?
-MeL
mommy to baby girl Zoe
www.rescuepugs.com - southern nv pug rescue
www.myspace.com/vegasrescuepugs - SNPR on myspace
We were so devastated when we lost our first pug, Murray, that quite frankly I didn't want to live after losing him. I never thought I could love as much as I loved Murray. He drowned in a friend's pool just short of his third birthday. Nothing has ever shaken my faith more than losing him. My husband and I couldn't even bear living in the same apartment or the same town without him. Even now, when we sometimes drive through our old neighborhood, it's almost too much to bear. We donated all his stuff to pug rescue, broke our lease, and moved the next week. We were trying to run away from our pain.
I never wanted another pug again. I was too scared to go through the same thing again. A couple of things helped us survive his loss and learn to love pugs again. When we called Little Angels to donate Murray's things, they reached out to us and helped us through our grief. We started volunteering, even though we knew we didn't want another pug again. About a month or two after we lost Murray, we got a phone call from Murray's daycare. They said that they had a little pug named Champ who needed a home -- he had started going to daycare a couple of weeks before Murray died so I was kind of familiar with him, a little wisp of a pug, really skinny and nothing like Murray. I thought about it for days. My husband and I decided to go meet Champ and his parents at the daycare. He looked so small and so pathetic and not all that sturdy, but he had the most expressive eyes and big floppy ears. He was six months old. A week later, Champ came to live with us and he now answers to Chester.
My husband couldn't stand having another only pug. I think he was afraid that we would be putting all our eggs in one basket and he was just as scared as me to go through that pain again. So he called Murray's breeder who had a single puppy due, but that puppy died at at the vets' at 10 days old. She was such a sweet woman. She put us in touch with the breeder who owned Murray's stud who had a litter of puppies due soon. A couple of months after brining Chester home, Bruno came along.
I love my boys with a passion. But do I feel the same way about them that I feel about Murray? The honest answer is no. I think that part of my heart may always be closed. But it hasn't stopped me from loving Chester, Bruno and Leo and wanted the best for them and giving them the best that I have to offer. No one will ever take the place of Murray and I wouldn't want that to happen, but I think that if we never got another pug, our lives would have suffered for it.
I think that having Murray has made me a better mother in some respects. Their safety is my foremost concern and I never take it for granted that they know something or that they know better. We don't take them out as much like we did Murray because I know my home is safe.
It was hard not to compare Chester with Murray. But Chester is his own person with his own character and his own strengths and weaknesses. Chester was much harder to raise than Murray. In my mind Murray was perfect from the day he came home to us. But I do believe that God gives you what you can handle when you can handle it. It still physically hurts to think about losing Murray. It's been almost four years now. But I try my hardest every day to honor his life by building the best life that I can for Chester, Bruno and Leo.
Sorry for rambling on. I don't think I've ever verbalized these feelings before and responding to your post had helped me deal with my issues a little better. I think that if you love pugs, you will always love pugs and it would be a shame to bury that love out of fear. I face the fear of losing another pug every day, but I believe that working to overcome that fear and learning to open my heart a little more each year has helped me to become a stronger person and a better mother.
well said! it might sound silly to some, but I became a mommy the minute I held little puppy Jack in my arms. it was love at first sight. I'll never forget it. Jack taught me how to be a mommy. that helps me in raising Zoe.Originally Posted by smoochieface
-MeL
mommy to baby girl Zoe
www.rescuepugs.com - southern nv pug rescue
www.myspace.com/vegasrescuepugs - SNPR on myspace
I swear they will have to bury me too when my Pugsley's day comes... I don't know how I will ever make it through... I would want a puggy just like him and I know I will never find it... I guess unfortunately the only way for me to know is to lose one of my guys and the thought brings me to tears...
I was real helpful huh?
My three pugs are my first but I have had many other dogs throughout the years. Each one was special, some more loyal, some more loving, some smarter. Each loss was very difficult and my last loss (my Cairn) was very difficult as I was the one to take her to the vet's to end her misery. You can't ever expect to replace a beloved pet but each animal is special in their own way. Pugs are such an incredibly sweet breed with such childlike behaviors that I can't imagine any one particular animal not being special.
You can't replace Stokley but you can love another pug just as much.
There is a great book called "For Every Dog an Angel". It is a tiny little book about how you can love one dog so very much that you feel you can't go on but that some day you will give that same love to another dog.
Its sort of like the dog who has passed would want another dog to have the same love that he was so lucky to have when he was on this earth.
Maybe try fostering for a rescue before you get another pug. That way you can find the dog that will be the perfect "fit" and do an awesome service to a rescue group and other pugs. But I have to warn you, most foster homes end up keeping the first pug...
Roxane
Mama to Betty (now age 15)
Forever Mama to my angel boy Bailey,my heart,my love
2/14/95-2/14/10 and my other angel boy Tiny Tim,who taught me so much about loving a differently abled pug
4/10/98-3/7/10
www.pugsavers.com
"Rescuing Pugs & Pug Mixes in Northern California and Northern Nevada"
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I've never lost a pug. I did loose a cocker I'd had for 15 years before Ebon came into my life. He hasn't replaced Rascal, but he has certainly filled a vacant place in my heart.
I will tell you a rexcue story. I have never lost a pug,
but this is sort of about love that is different. We
have China and Otis, they are both my heart, and
they are both as different as night and day, but I love
them both so much. There was a post on here for a
home for a senior pug. I responded to the post, we
wanted to give a home to a homeless pug. I guess I
just expected she would be like my other two. Well,
she isn't. Wasn't is more the correct word. She was
so fat she could hardly move, and she snorted and
grunted all the time, and her breath would wilt flowers.
After about a week, my husband said you don't love
her do you? My only response was that I had made a
commitment, and I don't go back on them. I will care
for her, make sure she has everything she needs and
give her a good home til she dies. End of story, NOT.
Every night when I got home she would sit and stare
at me, while I kissed, hugged and played with Otis
and China, it started to put a guilt trip on me, since she
was the one always sitting at the front door waiting for
me to come home. Otis and China sleep in our bed, I
had made her a bed in the living room, one night she
came to the bedroom and wanted in bed, I didn't want
her in bed because of the smell, but she kept pawing
at the bed, so I picked her up and put her in bed, she
looked at me so sad and then reached over and kissed
me. I started to cry, I said girl if you are going to sleep
with me, you gotta smell good. We went shopping and
bought stuff, and she smells like a little daisy now. I
am the first one when everyone is playing to holler where's
Sassa, and drag her into the fun. What I guess I am
trying to say is that the love grows, you can't with hold
love from a pug, they will drag it out of you. I love Sassa
for who she is, and she has an equal part of my love now.
Don't be afraid. You will love again and it will be special
in it's own way.
The Georgia Pugs
If You Can't Say Anything Nice,
Just Don't Say Anything.
Kendie, Your post was so very eloquent and struck such a chord with me, and it bought tears to my eyes as we've all lost animals for all different reasons, thankyou for your beautiful post.
"What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do." - John Ruskin